Wife: You delivered an excellent speech.
Hubby: Thanks dear but the audience was full of fools and idiots.
Wife: Is that why you addressed them as your brothers and sisters
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Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
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Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
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Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
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Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
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Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
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Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice
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Crazy Husband, Crazy wife Just a reminder that you should be careful,if you are messing with the one,you know who 
Beware !!
A married couple is driving along a highway at 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband says, 'I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.'
The wife says nothing,but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. 'I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,' He says, 'because I've been having an affair with your best friend, And she's a far better lover than you are.'
Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75. He pushes his luck. 'I want the house,' he says insistently..
Up to 80. 'I want the car, too,' he continues.
85 mph. 'And! ,' he says, 'I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!'
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, 'Isn't there anything you want?'
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
'No, I've got everything I need,' she says.
'Oh, really,' he inquires, 'so what have you got?'
Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph,The wife turns to him and smiles. 'The airbag.'
Moral of the story!
Women are crazy!!!!
